It doesn't help that the weather this morning is my preferred "writing weather"--a misty, cool, raindrop-symphony kind of a day. The couch feels comfier, the coffee tastes better, my brain feels clearer on days like this; it makes you wonder how I functioned, growing up on a sunny tropical island. It won't surprise you to know the ocean has the same effect on my sense of well-being; perhaps I am a "water baby" in the truest sense: it's no matter, the source--just let me dance in it.
As I've already mentioned, we are making preparations for a full house; the family is convening for the wedding of Oldest Younger Brother. This will be a week of "firsts" for us: first brother to get married; first major life change since Mom's passing; first anniversary of her death. That's right, folks--Saturday marks a year. I know you've not been dwelling on it--it'd be kind of odd if you were ;-p--but it has surely been an ever-constant in my mind. I remember, in the days after Mom's passing, some of the random, sometimes irrational thoughts that came to me; the one that stands out in particular this week is, "We can't change; we all have to stay exactly as we are in this moment, because how can we become people Mom never knew us to be?" It's funny, the ways in which we try to cope with loss, the things that suddenly qualify as "sensible" as we try to keep rooted in a foundation that is shifting and crumbling and redefining itself all at once. It's not surprising that stagnancy would suddenly feel more like stability; but stagnant water is a prime breeding ground for all sorts of unhealthy...stuff, and so can our lives become, if we refuse to keep flowing, circulating, allowing the tides of time to move things in and out of our lives, as it has since this world began. It can be hard to trust that as we get older, and the "goodbye" experiences begin to outnumber the seemingly never-ending "hello" experiences of our youth. I have begun to struggle with that even down into the "littler" things: the scattering of the family as all return to their homes after this wedding; the sending off of my brother into his new life; and looking only slightly further down the road to the flight my own little birdies will take when they finally launch off into the wild blue yonder. :') Scary stuff. Looking inward and upward, trusting and growing roots deeper in Him.
Wowza. Well, I never claimed not to have issues. :)
Let me bring this back to happy, because life is good, and I prefer people to leave my blog with smiles on their faces. The following video fuels my happy on so many levels; I hope it does something for you, too: